Helping an anxious child can feel like walking through a minefield some days. You want to support them, but sometimes your best efforts seem to make things worse. The truth is, there are proven ways to help children manage their worries more effectively.
1. Build Trust Through Active Listening
Children need to feel heard before they’ll accept help. This means putting down your phone when they’re talking and really focusing on what they’re saying. Don’t rush to offer solutions immediately, because sometimes they just need someone to acknowledge how hard things feel.
Foster carers might find this particularly challenging at first. Foster children may test boundaries, and they may not open up straight away, but that’s completely normal. Keep showing up consistently, and the trust will develop over time.
2. Teach Them Simple Coping Techniques
Box breathing is one technique that works brilliantly for many children. They breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for four, then hold for four again. It’s like drawing a square with their breath.
Some children prefer the balloon technique instead. They imagine inflating a balloon slowly in their tummy, then letting the air out even more slowly. Find what clicks with your child rather than forcing one particular method.
3. Help Them Face Their Fears Step by Step
Avoiding everything that makes your child anxious actually feeds their worry. It teaches their brain that these things really are dangerous. A better approach involves tiny, manageable steps towards their fear.
If they’re terrified of speaking in class, start with them reading aloud to you at home. Then perhaps to a sibling. Gradually build up their confidence. This takes weeks or months, not days.
4. Create Predictable Daily Rhythms
Anxious minds crave routine because it reduces uncertainty. When children know what’s coming next, they feel more secure. This doesn’t mean military precision, just a general flow to your days that they can rely on.
Bedtime routines are especially important. The same sequence of activities each evening helps signal that it’s time to wind down. People fostering with an agency like fosterplus.co.uk will know that since the children are adjusting to new households, establishing these patterns might take several weeks.
5. Show Them How It’s Done
Children learn more from watching you than listening to your advice. When you spill coffee and say “Oh well, these things happen” rather than getting frustrated, you’re teaching them resilience. When you acknowledge feeling nervous about something but do it anyway, you’re modelling courage.
Be honest about your own worries sometimes, but show them how you cope. This helps normalise anxiety whilst demonstrating that it doesn’t have to control your life.
6. Recognise When Extra Help Is Needed
Sometimes family support isn’t enough, and that’s perfectly fine. If your child’s anxiety stops them attending school regularly, prevents them from making friends, or causes physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches, it might be time to speak with their GP.
Many areas have specialist services for looked-after children who may carry additional trauma or attachment difficulties alongside their anxiety.
7. Celebrate Small Wins
Progress rarely happens in straight lines. Your child might have a brilliant week followed by several difficult days. That’s how recovery works. It’s messy and unpredictable.
Notice the small improvements. Maybe they managed to order their own meal at a restaurant, or they told you about a worry instead of keeping it inside. These moments matter more than you might think.
Supporting an anxious child requires patience, consistency, and hope. Some days will test your resolve, but your steady presence makes an enormous difference to their long-term wellbeing and confidence.
