Every parent and carer knows the feeling: the sudden wail in a supermarket aisle, the slammed door, the tearful rage over a seemingly minor setback. In these moments, we are pulled in two directions. One part of us wants to restore peace immediately, while another knows there is a deeper need to be met. If we rush to quieten the noise, we risk telling the child that their feelings are a problem. A better path is to first accept the emotion entirely, and only then begin to show them how to handle its intensity. This approach doesn’t just manage a difficult moment; it helps to build an emotionally resilient person.
Making Space for Big Feelings
Before any learning can happen, a child needs to feel seen. This is where validation comes in, and it is simpler than it sounds. It is not about agreeing that throwing a toy was the right response, but about acknowledging the anger that led to it. Imagine a child is distraught because they must leave a friend’s house. We could say, “Don’t be silly, you’ll see them again soon.” But this dismisses the genuine sadness they feel right now.
Instead, try getting down to their level and saying something like, “I know you’re really sad to go. It’s so hard to leave when you’re having a wonderful time.” This simple act of naming and accepting the feeling tells them you are in their corner. For a child fostered with Orange Grove Foster Care, whose history may include significant upheaval, this sense of being understood is not just helpful; it is essential. It communicates that their internal world makes sense, even if the external boundary (leaving) must remain. By creating this emotional safety, you lay the groundwork for them to learn how to cope.
Showing Them What to Do Next
Once a child feels their emotion has been heard, they become more open to guidance. This is when we can gently help them manage the feeling, a process known as co-regulation. For a little one, this might be a firm, quiet hug or simply sitting with them as they cry. We offer our own calm as a lifeline while their emotional seas are rough.
With time, you can introduce practical strategies. A simple breathing exercise like “smell the pizza, then cool the pizza” can work wonders. For an older child, you could work together to create a ‘calm-down corner’ or a box with things that help them feel better, perhaps a soft blanket, some putty to squeeze, or a notepad to scribble on. After the initial intensity has faded, you can begin to problem-solve. “You were so frustrated that your tower fell over. I get it. When you feel a bit calmer, shall we think about how to make it stronger?”
Explore: https://baddiehub.news/baddiehub-kelsey/
Our Calm is Contagious
Children are brilliant mimics, learning about emotional control by watching us. Our response to their distress is arguably the most important lesson they receive. If a child’s tantrum makes us flustered and angry, our reaction only confirms their internal panic: this situation is overwhelming. We add our own dysregulation to theirs, and the fire gets bigger.
But when we take a split second to breathe ourselves, to lower the tone of our voice and soften our body language, we become a point of stability. Our calm non-verbally communicates that the feeling is big but not dangerous, and that it will pass. This isn’t about being a perfect, emotionless robot. It is about showing our children that adults get frustrated too, but that we have ways of handling it without losing control. That modelling is incredibly powerful.
This whole process is less about discipline and more about connection. It is a cycle of seeing the feeling, validating it, and then guiding the child through it. By repeating this pattern, we are not just getting through a tough afternoon. We are giving them an internal compass they can use long after they have left our care, equipping them to handle the inevitable emotional challenges of life.
Source: Baddiehub
